yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
