I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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