i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
