Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
