if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
