Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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