I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
