I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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