he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
