Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
