Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You ruined the universe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
