At least make sure they are 18
Why
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
