She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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