I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
