Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
