Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
