Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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