my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
