I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
