theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
