Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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