You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
