Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
