Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Barsexuality is the new black.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
