a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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