My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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