i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
