Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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