Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
