Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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