it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
