if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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