OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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