are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
