Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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