I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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