if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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