4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
