Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
