there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Two words: blizzard sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
