no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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