it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
