woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
