I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have aggressive nipples.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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