I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
