And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
