1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
