My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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