Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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