whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
